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Week 13 NFL Power Rankings

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Week 12 brought us the best football fight in a long time that didn’t involve Rex Ryan’s appetite and a live animal. The top 2 and bottom 4 remain unchanged, but there was some upheaval in the ranks.  Now “Let’s go eat a goddamn snack.”

1. (1) Atlanta Falcons (9-2) – Again, Matty Ice led the offense on a last minute drive to beat a very good team. This time it was the Packers. Over the past 5 games he has a rating of 106.2 with 10 TDs and only 1 Int. MVP talk can begin anytime now…

2. (2) New England Patriots (9-2) – The Pats learned their lesson against Cleveland about trap games. Brady made a mockery of Alphonso Smith as the Pats carved up the Lions on Thanksgiving.

3. (6) New York Jets (9-2) – At 9-2, the Jets deserve credit even if they have played most of this season like a 5-6 team. Rex Ryan is running his mouth more than a “real housewife” this week concerning the matchup with the Patriots.

4. (7) New Orleans Saints (8-3) – The Saints are rounding into form at the right time, 4th quarter against Dallas notwithstanding. They should get Pierre Thomas back this week, and are 8-3 in about as quiet way as possible for a defending champion.

5. (3) Pittsburgh Steelers (8-3) – If the Cowboys are America’s team, the Steelers must be God’s team. That’s the only explanation that Stevie Johnson could give for how he dropped the game-winner. He might be right, the Steelers are the masters of good fortune.

6. (9) Baltimore Ravens (8-3) – Baltimore kept letting Tampa Bay hang around, but were able to hold on for the win. I would fully expect Roger Goodell to attend this week’s game vs. the Steelers in person so he can hand out fines mid-game.

7. (8) Green Bay Packers (7-4) – Aaron Rodgers led them to a game-tying drive late, but a facemask on the ensuing kickoff almost immediately put the Falcons in FG range for the win. Still a very good showing in a loud Georgia Dome.

8. (11) Chicago Bears (8-3) – Jay Cutler likes when the Bears are flying under the radar. Well, after containing Michael Vick in the 1st half and holding the Eagles in check, the Bears earned their way into the top 10 and a freebie this week against the Lions.

9. (4) Philadelphia Eagles (7-4) – Vick had a hard time getting untracked early and the Eagles found themselves in a hole that they couldn’t get out of. He should have no problem slicing up the Texans D, but I’d bet the over in that one.

10. (10) New York Giants (7-4) – The Giant offense certainly is a shell of itself with the likes of Derek Hagan starting, but they still got the win, and should get another this week with the Redskins on the schedule.

11. (13) San Diego Chargers (6-5) – We should just use the Chargers as a guide for setting the clocks back. Every year it’s the same thing, and while I think they will again waste their energy overcoming their terrible start to the season, they made Peyton and the Colts look as bad as I’ve ever seen them look.

12. (5) Indianapolis Colts (6-5) – The biggest loser in this week’s rankings. The Colts looked dreadful against the Chargers, and if they don’t get their act together along the offensive line, may not win 10 games for only the 2nd time in 12 seasons.

13. (15) Kansas City Chiefs (7-4) – The Chiefs ran away from the Seahawks late, but the fact is, they are still not as good as their record. This week they have a chance to avenge the beatdown that they took in the first meeting against Denver

14. (16) Miami Dolphins (6-5) – The Chad Henne led Dolphins beat the Raiders. Not sure where this falls in the grand scheme of things, but I’d put it a notch below Ultimate Warrior defeating The Honky Tonk man for the Intercontinental title at SummerSlam ‘88

15. (12) Tampa Bay Buccaneers (7-4) – The Bucs are like that girl from high school that had the potential, but just not the ability to make themselves attractive and popular. They did hang with the Ravens longer than I expected, but their road doesn’t get any easier with the Falcons coming to town.

16. (14) Jacksonville Jaguars (6-5) – The Jags on the other hand are the girl from high school who tries as hard as she can to be popular, and while moderately successful, still end up going to the prom alone. If they face Rusty Smith this week, they should win, anyone else, and it might be bad news.

17. (18) Houston Texans (5-6) – Keeping up with the theme, the Texans are the hot, popular, nice cheerleader with the IQ of a doorknob. Everyone wants to love her, but you just can’t have a conversation for more than 5 minutes without wanting to punch yourself in the face at least twice.

18. (17) Tennessee Titans (5-6) – If Rusty Smith and his 26.7 rating keeps starting, they will be at the bottom of this list in no-time. I still can’t fathom how Jeff Fisher only gave Chris Johnson 7 carries on Sunday. I’m surprised Johnson didn’t go Andre Johnson on his coach during the game.

19. (23) St. Louis Rams (5-6) – Putting up 36 on the Broncos is like beating a 5 year old in basketball. Not only does it not prove anything, but it might actually hurt you as a human. Their reward? A rematch with the 5 year old’s 2 year old brother, Arizona.

20. (22) Minnesota Vikings (4-7) – Another interim coach gets a win in his first game. The Panthers might want to try having 16 interim coaches next year just to see what happens; can’t be any worse.

21. (19) Oakland Raiders (5-6) – The Raiders have been blown out in back to back games and now travel to face the red hot Chargers in the matchup to see which team will move to LA. I think San Diego will win both battles with ease.

22. (21) Seattle Seahawks (5-6) – The Seahawks much like the Raiders have been blown out in back to back weeks, but they get Carolina coming into town. The Seahawks could start Charlie Whitehurst, Steve Largent and Curt Warner and win this game, but I don’t want to underestimate the ability for any CFL South team to lose.

23. (20) Washington Redskins (5-6) – Some teams have thunder and lightning in the backfield, the Redskins backfield now features the drizzle and whimper combination of Keiland Williams and James Davis.

24. (24) Dallas Cowboys (3-8) – Dallas was a Roy Williams fumble away from a great comeback win against the Saints. Now Jason Garrett will have his hands full facing an angry Peyton Manning before a matchup with Michael Vick and the Eagles.

25. (28) San Francisco 49ers (3-8) – 49ers beat the Cardinals, but lost Frank Gore in the process. Luckily Brian Westbrook has been well-rested to this point and looks like he did a few years ago. Whether or not he can withstand 5 more games is up in the air, but I think the 49ers have found their quarterback in Troy Smith.

26. (26) Buffalo Bills (2-9) – Sorry Bills fans, it’s not God’s fault Stevie dropped the game winning catch, it’s mine. He has carved me up in fantasy every time I’ve played against him, and he realized in OT that he wasn’t facing me, so no need to catch that TD.

27. (25) Cleveland Browns (4-7) – There is a new rule in the power rankings, if you beat the Panthers, you cannot move up unless you win by more than twice the point-spread. The Browns avoided falling to the bottom of the list by 3 inches when they did all that they could to lose, but John Kasay’s game winning field goal clanged against the upright.

28. (27) Denver Broncos (3-8) – The offense scored 33, but they still lost. At this point Josh McDaniels might as well just pass every down in order to get Kyle Orton the single-season passing record. McDaniels needs all the resumé builders he can get.

29. (29) Cincinnati Bengals (2-9) – The Bengals have lost 8 straight games and have New Orleans, Pittsburgh, Cleveland, San Diego & Baltimore to finish out the season. If the Panthers somehow find a way to win a game, it’s not out of the question to see Andrew Luck in a Bengals uniform next season.

30. (30) Detroit Lions (2-9) – Alphonso Smith just pitched a new reality show idea to ABC featuring himself and Eric Wright. Evidently the two of them will be brought in to struggling businesses to show upper management that despite how bad things may be, it could always be worse.

31. (31) Arizona Cardinals (3-8) – It’s baffling that some power rankings have the Cardinals any higher than 31st. Yes, they did beat New Orleans in week 5, but anyone who has watched them play lately would realize the most exciting thing that has happened to them is Derek Anderson’s press conference on Monday Night.

32. (32) Carolina Panthers (1-10) – When your best player is a kicker, that’s a major problem. When even he fails to win the game for you, that’s a whole new level of bad. If the Panthers had Andrew Luck on Sunday, they win the game easily. Instead they had Jimmy Clausen and are well on their way to 1-15. The only thing standing in their way is a week 15 matchup with Arizona. On the bright side, the Panthers did score 20+ points for the 2nd time this year, and were 3 inches from being 2-0 when they do so.


2 Responses to “Week 13 NFL Power Rankings”

  1. You need to check your facts Mr. Pluto. The Browns are 4-7.

    Posted by The Dirty Juh | December 2, 2010, 10:59 pm
  2. Thanks buddy, good catch, glad you’re reading. I fixed it, but it brings up a good point. Maybe the NFL should allow the Panthers to start games with 10-0 lead to make things fair.

    Posted by Jason Marlo | December 2, 2010, 11:09 pm

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